Quote

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

Doug Stanhope

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Count
Disease
Danger
Dangerous
Easy
Herpes
Social
Narcotics
Doesn
Diseases
Really
Pot

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

Image
AA makes Scientology look credible.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Get the right to marry - and then don't.
Doug Stanhope
Image
We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
Doug Stanhope
Image
The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
Doug Stanhope
Image
The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
Image
It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
Doug Stanhope
Image
If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!
Doug Stanhope
Image
My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?
Doug Stanhope
Image
How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That's all America is: a government. There's no such thing as 'we're Americans.' That's just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You're not an American. You're a guy, you're a person, you're an individual.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
Doug Stanhope