Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
Doug Stanhope
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Last
Times
Bang
Two
Bangs
Someone
Worlds
Firsts
Million
First
Millions
Different
Five
World
Lasts
More quotes by Doug Stanhope
Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
Doug Stanhope
I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
Doug Stanhope
I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
Doug Stanhope
The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
Doug Stanhope
I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.
Doug Stanhope
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Doug Stanhope
It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
Doug Stanhope
Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?
Doug Stanhope
What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.
Doug Stanhope
If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
Doug Stanhope
I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
Doug Stanhope
When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
Doug Stanhope
When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
Doug Stanhope
As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
Doug Stanhope
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.
Doug Stanhope
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.
Doug Stanhope
The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
Doug Stanhope
Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
Doug Stanhope
Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
Doug Stanhope
Get the right to marry - and then don't.
Doug Stanhope
