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I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Skyscraper
Experts
Mother
Like
Implode
Demolition
Rigs

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
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When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
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Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.
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Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.
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I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
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I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
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I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!
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The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
Doug Stanhope
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Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
Doug Stanhope
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I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
Doug Stanhope