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I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Mother
Like
Implode
Demolition
Rigs
Skyscraper
Experts

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
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I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
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I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
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When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
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There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
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Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
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Get the right to marry - and then don't.
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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
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In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
Doug Stanhope
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When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.
Doug Stanhope