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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Boring
Gets
Reason
Life
Awhile
Temporary

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
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I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.
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Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.
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Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
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I'm not the one-take wonder that a lot people think I am.
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If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.
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Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
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Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.
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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.
Doug Stanhope
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
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The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
Doug Stanhope
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As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
Doug Stanhope
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He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
Doug Stanhope
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High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
Doug Stanhope
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Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
Doug Stanhope
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So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
Doug Stanhope
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Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
Doug Stanhope