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High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
High
Used
Things
Sacrosanct
Pornography
Ruined
Definition
Definitions
Hold

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I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
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I'm not the one-take wonder that a lot people think I am.
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.
Doug Stanhope
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You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
Doug Stanhope
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
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Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.
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If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't.
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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
Doug Stanhope
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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
Doug Stanhope
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The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
Doug Stanhope
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Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!
Doug Stanhope
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The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
Doug Stanhope