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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Fun
Less
Business
Gets
Involved

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
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Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
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As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
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That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
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High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
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The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
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There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
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When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
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There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
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I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.
Doug Stanhope
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
Doug Stanhope
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In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
Doug Stanhope
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So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.
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You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
Doug Stanhope
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
Doug Stanhope
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I drink every night. But I don't hang out and party. Not that I'm selling out Madison Square Garden, but in the old days after a show you could hang out with a few people. But now you're hanging around with 20 people, all of whom don't know each other, and they're all, Leave my outgoing greeting on my voice mail, man, come on!
Doug Stanhope
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
Doug Stanhope
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I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
Doug Stanhope