Quote

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

Doug Stanhope

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Marry
Right

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

Image
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
Doug Stanhope
Image
You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
Doug Stanhope
Image
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
Doug Stanhope
Image
In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.
Doug Stanhope
Image
If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.
Doug Stanhope
Image
People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to ... and when they stop offering me weed, then I'm going to feel kind of out of touch, like: What did I do wrong that you won't offer me drugs that I don't do? Because I'll trade those drugs out for drugs that I do do.
Doug Stanhope
Image
The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
Doug Stanhope
Image
You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.
Doug Stanhope