Quote

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Every
Gets
Like
Room
Rooms
Minutes
Week
Boiler
Living
Busted
Stuff
Hardcore
Used
Fraud

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.
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Get the right to marry - and then don't.
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
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I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
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Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
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I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
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There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
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You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
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Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.
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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That's all America is: a government. There's no such thing as 'we're Americans.' That's just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You're not an American. You're a guy, you're a person, you're an individual.
Doug Stanhope
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AA makes Scientology look credible.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
Doug Stanhope
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The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't.
Doug Stanhope
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In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
Doug Stanhope
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I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.
Doug Stanhope