Quote

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Week
Boiler
Living
Busted
Stuff
Hardcore
Used
Fraud
Every
Gets
Like
Room
Rooms
Minutes

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
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If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
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What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
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Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.
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There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
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Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.
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Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
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I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
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I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
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Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
Doug Stanhope
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AA makes Scientology look credible.
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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
Doug Stanhope