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Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
Doug Stanhope
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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Delude
Logic
Sex
Society
Two
Children
Things
More quotes by Doug Stanhope
Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
Doug Stanhope
That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
Doug Stanhope
The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.
Doug Stanhope
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
Doug Stanhope
Coward is the most misused word in our society.
Doug Stanhope
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
Doug Stanhope
I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
Doug Stanhope
The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
Doug Stanhope
Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
Doug Stanhope
Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.
Doug Stanhope
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
Doug Stanhope
If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.
Doug Stanhope
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.
Doug Stanhope
When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
Doug Stanhope
People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to ... and when they stop offering me weed, then I'm going to feel kind of out of touch, like: What did I do wrong that you won't offer me drugs that I don't do? Because I'll trade those drugs out for drugs that I do do.
Doug Stanhope
