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Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Society
Two
Children
Things
Delude
Logic
Sex

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.
Doug Stanhope
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That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
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If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.
Doug Stanhope
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When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
Doug Stanhope
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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
Doug Stanhope
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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
Doug Stanhope
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The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
Doug Stanhope
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How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That's all America is: a government. There's no such thing as 'we're Americans.' That's just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You're not an American. You're a guy, you're a person, you're an individual.
Doug Stanhope
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
Doug Stanhope
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I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
Doug Stanhope
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Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
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If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.
Doug Stanhope
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
Doug Stanhope
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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.
Doug Stanhope
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I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
Doug Stanhope
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You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
Doug Stanhope
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
Doug Stanhope
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I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.
Doug Stanhope
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
Doug Stanhope