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Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Religion
Zero
Tolerance
Type
Religious

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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
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People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
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He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
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Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
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I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word evil? Oh, I'm a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says evildoers. Chug the bottle for axis of evil. Are you a president or an exorcist?!
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It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
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I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
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I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
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Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there are too many people.
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Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
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Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.
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Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.
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If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?
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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.
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I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!
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I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
Doug Stanhope