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I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Later
Watches
Watch
Film
Life
Gonna
Entire

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
Doug Stanhope
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The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
Doug Stanhope
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If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.
Doug Stanhope
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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
Doug Stanhope
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
Doug Stanhope
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I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Doug Stanhope
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
Doug Stanhope
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You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.
Doug Stanhope
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They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.
Doug Stanhope
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People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.
Doug Stanhope
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There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
Doug Stanhope
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Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
Doug Stanhope
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People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.
Doug Stanhope
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I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
Doug Stanhope
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
Doug Stanhope
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
Doug Stanhope
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Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.
Doug Stanhope
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
Doug Stanhope
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I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
Doug Stanhope
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Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope