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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Enjoy
Sometimes
Really
People
Quiet
Humor
Dead
Wonder
Funny

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
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There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
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AA makes Scientology look credible.
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Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
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Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.
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Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
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The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
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Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.
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Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
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Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
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As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
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There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
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The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
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Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.
Doug Stanhope