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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Places
Learn
World
Courts
Camps
Court

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
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The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
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That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
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Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there are too many people.
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You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
Doug Stanhope
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What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
Doug Stanhope
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
Doug Stanhope
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
Doug Stanhope
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People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to ... and when they stop offering me weed, then I'm going to feel kind of out of touch, like: What did I do wrong that you won't offer me drugs that I don't do? Because I'll trade those drugs out for drugs that I do do.
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As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
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AA makes Scientology look credible.
Doug Stanhope
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
Doug Stanhope
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I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.
Doug Stanhope
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
Doug Stanhope
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
Doug Stanhope
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
Doug Stanhope
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I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
Doug Stanhope