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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Places
Learn
World
Courts
Camps
Court

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
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The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
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What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
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Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
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I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
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I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
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Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
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This is Lakshmi Singh. It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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Get the right to marry - and then don't.
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
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I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
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Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.
Doug Stanhope
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Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.
Doug Stanhope
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That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope