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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Courts
Camps
Court
Places
Learn
World

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.
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I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.
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Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
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I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.
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Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.
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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
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I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.
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I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
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I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
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I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
Doug Stanhope