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When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Little
Towns
Time
Drive
Road
Loved
Went
Around
Used
Arizona
Littles
Weird

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Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.
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How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That's all America is: a government. There's no such thing as 'we're Americans.' That's just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You're not an American. You're a guy, you're a person, you're an individual.
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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
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It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
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Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
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I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.
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I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
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I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
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If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
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