Quote

This is Lakshmi Singh. It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Like
Singh
Muck
Wet
Mouth
Mouths
Dying
Tadpole
Drink
Lakshmi
Take
Tadpoles

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
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The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
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If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
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I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.
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I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
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Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.
Doug Stanhope
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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
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It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
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I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.
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If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.
Doug Stanhope
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I drink every night. But I don't hang out and party. Not that I'm selling out Madison Square Garden, but in the old days after a show you could hang out with a few people. But now you're hanging around with 20 people, all of whom don't know each other, and they're all, Leave my outgoing greeting on my voice mail, man, come on!
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
Doug Stanhope
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
Doug Stanhope
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I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
Doug Stanhope
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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
Doug Stanhope
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
Doug Stanhope
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Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.
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