Quote

This is Lakshmi Singh. It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Like
Singh
Muck
Wet
Mouth
Mouths
Dying
Tadpole
Drink
Lakshmi
Take
Tadpoles

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
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When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
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I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
Doug Stanhope
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
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Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope
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Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
Doug Stanhope
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
Doug Stanhope
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I drink every night. But I don't hang out and party. Not that I'm selling out Madison Square Garden, but in the old days after a show you could hang out with a few people. But now you're hanging around with 20 people, all of whom don't know each other, and they're all, Leave my outgoing greeting on my voice mail, man, come on!
Doug Stanhope
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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
Doug Stanhope
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Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
Doug Stanhope
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What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.
Doug Stanhope
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I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.
Doug Stanhope