Quote

This is Lakshmi Singh. It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Dying
Tadpole
Drink
Lakshmi
Take
Tadpoles
Like
Singh
Muck
Wet
Mouth
Mouths

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Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
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Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
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I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word evil? Oh, I'm a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says evildoers. Chug the bottle for axis of evil. Are you a president or an exorcist?!
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When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
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I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
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I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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AA makes Scientology look credible.
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I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
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Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.
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Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
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Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
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Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.
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Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.
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