Quote

Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Bigs
Revolting
Makes
Chew
Mother
Chewing
Together
Lunch
Things
Mouth
People
Mouths
Close
Wind
Unnerved

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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
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Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!
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I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
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I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
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The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
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I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
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