Quote

Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

Doug Stanhope

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Wind
Unnerved
Bigs
Revolting
Makes
Chew
Mother
Chewing
Together
Lunch
Things
Mouth
People
Mouths
Close

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

Image
I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.
Doug Stanhope
Image
People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
Doug Stanhope
Image
The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.
Doug Stanhope
Image
The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.
Doug Stanhope
Image
You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
Doug Stanhope
Image
If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?
Doug Stanhope
Image
Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
Image
If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
Doug Stanhope
Image
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
Doug Stanhope
Image
It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
Doug Stanhope