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I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.
Doug Stanhope
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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Right
Equally
Believe
Treated
Vote
Comedy
Sure
Everyone
Whos
Individual
Funniest
Women
Paying
More quotes by Doug Stanhope
I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
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It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
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Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.
Doug Stanhope
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
Doug Stanhope
That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
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I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
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People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.
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I wish the 50 states would break up. Lose the centralised government. More choice. How do you want to live, there's 50 different ways! You hate black people? We've a state for that. You wanna have an abortion? Here's a state. I think we should just keep breaking up countries now so they become just individuals.
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The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
Doug Stanhope
There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
Doug Stanhope
