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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Institution
Progressive
Institutions
Marriage
Society
Place
Whole
Really

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When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
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Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
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I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
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Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.
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There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
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Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.
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I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.
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I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
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Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.
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You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
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Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
Doug Stanhope