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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Marriage
Society
Place
Whole
Really
Institution
Progressive
Institutions

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Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
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When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
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I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
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Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
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Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.
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Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.
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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
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A lot of the Olympic games just boil down to genetics. Michael Phelps is genetically built to swim better than other people if he trains the same way. You might as well have a competition for who's the tallest, and act like it's anyone's game!
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Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
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How do you pledge allegiance to a government? That's all America is: a government. There's no such thing as 'we're Americans.' That's just trivial bullshit to get you rooting for the home team. You're not an American. You're a guy, you're a person, you're an individual.
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Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
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