Quote

One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

Doug Stanhope

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Mean
Paper
Never
Since
Heard
Word
Happy
Perfect
Described
Means
Miserable
Someone
Looked

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

Image
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.
Doug Stanhope
Image
When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
Doug Stanhope
Image
In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
Doug Stanhope
Image
People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
Doug Stanhope
Image
People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to ... and when they stop offering me weed, then I'm going to feel kind of out of touch, like: What did I do wrong that you won't offer me drugs that I don't do? Because I'll trade those drugs out for drugs that I do do.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.
Doug Stanhope
Image
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
Doug Stanhope
Image
The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
Doug Stanhope
Image
You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
Doug Stanhope
Image
We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
Doug Stanhope
Image
If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?
Doug Stanhope
Image
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
Doug Stanhope
Image
I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!
Doug Stanhope
Image
You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
Doug Stanhope