Quote

Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Time
Drink
Type
Certain
Quit
Ever
Quitting
Going
Alcohol
Much
Drinking
Kind
Sick
Never
Decided

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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
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High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
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Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
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At least black people knew when they were slaves you remain clueless.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
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My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?
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Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.
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The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
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