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Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno come up with your own example, smart-ass.

Doug Benson

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Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
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More quotes by Doug Benson

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There's a lust to get on TV.
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Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?
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I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show.
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The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.
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I was immediately into all the great movie comedians - Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder. Everything those guys had anything to do with, from I don't know how young. Super young.
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The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things.
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In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'
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I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard thing of just moving without much money and just seeing if I could make it work.
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Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?
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That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having with each other, but I have to invest in it enough to figure out. I have to make a decision.
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You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.
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Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.
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LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.
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[Deadpool] is definitely squirm-inducing. It's a pretty hard R, violence-wise. But cartoony, also. Maybe fast-forward through to torture scenes.
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I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at all when I'm high, but that's a constant. The thing that changes when I'm high is I am happier, and I'm not good with numbers.
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Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's more about friendship with me than making some statement about pot. I'm sure those of my friends who are onscreen smoking might have a little regret, but there's not too much of it.
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[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
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I enjoy a lot of stuff. That's why I pursued a career in show business, because I enjoy watching everything as much or more than making it. I'm just a big TV and movie junkie from when I was a kid. Fortunately, it worked out.
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The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.
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Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.
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