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I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.

Doug Benson

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Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
Game
Roll
Games
Beer
Around
Ball
Like
Balls
Nine
Eight
Inning
Seven
Beers
Second
Gotta

More quotes by Doug Benson

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If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.
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The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.
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Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.
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I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard thing of just moving without much money and just seeing if I could make it work.
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Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno come up with your own example, smart-ass.
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You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.
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Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?
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LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.
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Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.
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Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.
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The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.
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The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things.
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That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having with each other, but I have to invest in it enough to figure out. I have to make a decision.
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Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's more about friendship with me than making some statement about pot. I'm sure those of my friends who are onscreen smoking might have a little regret, but there's not too much of it.
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Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.
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[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
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In terms of my lungs, pot smoking is not like cigarette smoking. It doesn't affect the lungs as quickly, or as much over time. If I stopped pot smoking today, my lungs could heal probably 100 percent in a few years.
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In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'
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I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at all when I'm high, but that's a constant. The thing that changes when I'm high is I am happier, and I'm not good with numbers.
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I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.
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