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If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.

Doug Benson

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Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
Ever
Vegas
Gambling
Recently
Six
Seven
Kill
Days
Blew
Money
Prostitution

More quotes by Doug Benson

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I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
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The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.
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[Deadpool] is definitely squirm-inducing. It's a pretty hard R, violence-wise. But cartoony, also. Maybe fast-forward through to torture scenes.
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I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.
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That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having with each other, but I have to invest in it enough to figure out. I have to make a decision.
Doug Benson
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Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.
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Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno come up with your own example, smart-ass.
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Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.
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I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.
Doug Benson
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Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?
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The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.
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[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
Doug Benson
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Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.
Doug Benson
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The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.
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Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.
Doug Benson
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Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.
Doug Benson
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Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?
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I was immediately into all the great movie comedians - Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder. Everything those guys had anything to do with, from I don't know how young. Super young.
Doug Benson
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You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.
Doug Benson
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Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.
Doug Benson