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Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

Doug Benson

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Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
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More quotes by Doug Benson

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The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.
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I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
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I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at all when I'm high, but that's a constant. The thing that changes when I'm high is I am happier, and I'm not good with numbers.
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If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.
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I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.
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Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno come up with your own example, smart-ass.
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The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.
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Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's more about friendship with me than making some statement about pot. I'm sure those of my friends who are onscreen smoking might have a little regret, but there's not too much of it.
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In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'
Doug Benson
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Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?
Doug Benson
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I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show.
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I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.
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I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.
Doug Benson
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Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?
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[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
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There's a lust to get on TV.
Doug Benson
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The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things.
Doug Benson
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I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard thing of just moving without much money and just seeing if I could make it work.
Doug Benson
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Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.
Doug Benson
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In terms of my lungs, pot smoking is not like cigarette smoking. It doesn't affect the lungs as quickly, or as much over time. If I stopped pot smoking today, my lungs could heal probably 100 percent in a few years.
Doug Benson