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I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

Doug Benson

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Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
Superman
Green
Minutes
Used
Music
Make
Love

More quotes by Doug Benson

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The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.
Doug Benson
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[Deadpool] is definitely squirm-inducing. It's a pretty hard R, violence-wise. But cartoony, also. Maybe fast-forward through to torture scenes.
Doug Benson
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Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.
Doug Benson
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I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.
Doug Benson
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I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.
Doug Benson
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I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
Doug Benson
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I enjoy a lot of stuff. That's why I pursued a career in show business, because I enjoy watching everything as much or more than making it. I'm just a big TV and movie junkie from when I was a kid. Fortunately, it worked out.
Doug Benson
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I was immediately into all the great movie comedians - Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder. Everything those guys had anything to do with, from I don't know how young. Super young.
Doug Benson
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I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at all when I'm high, but that's a constant. The thing that changes when I'm high is I am happier, and I'm not good with numbers.
Doug Benson
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In terms of my lungs, pot smoking is not like cigarette smoking. It doesn't affect the lungs as quickly, or as much over time. If I stopped pot smoking today, my lungs could heal probably 100 percent in a few years.
Doug Benson
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You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have backup.
Doug Benson
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[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
Doug Benson
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In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'
Doug Benson
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You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.
Doug Benson
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The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.
Doug Benson
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Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.
Doug Benson
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I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show.
Doug Benson
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The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.
Doug Benson
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Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's more about friendship with me than making some statement about pot. I'm sure those of my friends who are onscreen smoking might have a little regret, but there's not too much of it.
Doug Benson
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Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.
Doug Benson