Quote

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Doug Benson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
Drank
Circles
Wake
Night
Much
Crop
Crops

More quotes by Doug Benson

Image
I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
Doug Benson
Image
Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.
Doug Benson
Image
The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things.
Doug Benson
Image
Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.
Doug Benson
Image
[Deadpool] is definitely squirm-inducing. It's a pretty hard R, violence-wise. But cartoony, also. Maybe fast-forward through to torture scenes.
Doug Benson
Image
I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.
Doug Benson
Image
The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.
Doug Benson
Image
I was immediately into all the great movie comedians - Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder. Everything those guys had anything to do with, from I don't know how young. Super young.
Doug Benson
Image
In terms of my lungs, pot smoking is not like cigarette smoking. It doesn't affect the lungs as quickly, or as much over time. If I stopped pot smoking today, my lungs could heal probably 100 percent in a few years.
Doug Benson
Image
Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.
Doug Benson
Image
Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno come up with your own example, smart-ass.
Doug Benson
Image
I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show.
Doug Benson
Image
[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
Doug Benson
Image
I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard thing of just moving without much money and just seeing if I could make it work.
Doug Benson
Image
There's a lust to get on TV.
Doug Benson
Image
If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.
Doug Benson
Image
Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.
Doug Benson
Image
Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.
Doug Benson
Image
It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.
Doug Benson
Image
In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'
Doug Benson