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Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?
Doug Benson
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Doug Benson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: July 2
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
San Diego
California
Dwelling
Check
Checks
Nice
Government
Things
Monthly
More quotes by Doug Benson
That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having with each other, but I have to invest in it enough to figure out. I have to make a decision.
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The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.
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If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.
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There's a lust to get on TV.
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I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.
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Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.
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In terms of my lungs, pot smoking is not like cigarette smoking. It doesn't affect the lungs as quickly, or as much over time. If I stopped pot smoking today, my lungs could heal probably 100 percent in a few years.
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Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.
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Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.
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I'm not physically harming any of these people by being high, and it's just interesting to see that I feel like my values and morals don't change at all when I'm high, but that's a constant. The thing that changes when I'm high is I am happier, and I'm not good with numbers.
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The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.
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I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.
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Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.
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You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have backup.
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[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.
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I enjoy a lot of stuff. That's why I pursued a career in show business, because I enjoy watching everything as much or more than making it. I'm just a big TV and movie junkie from when I was a kid. Fortunately, it worked out.
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Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.
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I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard thing of just moving without much money and just seeing if I could make it work.
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Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?
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It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.
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