Quote

...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Taught
Convent
Helping
Erasers
World
Ink
Pencil
Erase
Pencils
Spit
Outside
Eraser

More quotes by Dorothy Parker

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If I should labor through daylight and dark, Consecrate, valorous, serious, true, Then on the world I may blazon my mark And what if I don't, and what if I do?
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[On Katharine Hepburn's stage performance:] She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B.
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I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
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Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.
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The only “ism” Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
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Ah, clear they see and true they say That one shall weep, and one shall stray
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And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.
Dorothy Parker
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If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it's the fact that it's the best you can do that kills you.
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There must be courage there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.
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[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?
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Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke And that, I think, is worse.
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[On being told their loquacious, domineering host was 'outspoken':] By whom?
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It's not the tragedies that kill us it's the messes.
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Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
Dorothy Parker
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I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
Dorothy Parker
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Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you.
Dorothy Parker
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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Dorothy Parker
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I wish, I wish I were a poisonous bacterium.
Dorothy Parker
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But I give you my word, in the entire book there is nothing that cannot be said aloud in mixed company. And there is, also, nothing that makes you a bit the wiser. I wonder--oh, what will you think of me--if those two statements do not verge upon the synonymous.
Dorothy Parker
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I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
Dorothy Parker