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The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Spit
Useful
Learned
Education
School
Eraser
Ever
Erasers
Thing
Erased
Ink

More quotes by Dorothy Parker

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There is entirely too much charm around, and something must be done to stop it.
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[On William Lyon Phelps's Happiness:] It is second only to a rubber duck as the ideal bathtub companion. It may be held in the hand without causing muscular fatigue ... and it may be read through before the water has cooled. And if it slips down the drain pipe, all right, it slips down the drain pipe.
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[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?
Dorothy Parker
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Maybe it is only I, but conditions are such these days, that if you use studiously correct grammar, people suspect you of homosexual tendencies.
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She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.
Dorothy Parker
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[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
Dorothy Parker
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Scratch a king and find a fool!
Dorothy Parker
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If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
Dorothy Parker
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All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.
Dorothy Parker
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If I don't drive around the park, I'm pretty sure to make my mark. If I'm in bed each night by ten, I may get back my looks again. If I abstain from fun and such, I'll probably amount to much But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.
Dorothy Parker
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The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.
Dorothy Parker
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All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
Dorothy Parker
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I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.
Dorothy Parker
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Oh, seek, my love, your newer way I'll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!
Dorothy Parker
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[On hearing that President Coolidge was dead:] How can you tell?
Dorothy Parker
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Friends come and go but I wouldn't have thought you'd be one of them
Dorothy Parker
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Pictures pass me in long review,-- Marching columns of dead events. I was tender, and, often, true Ever a prey to coincidence. Always knew I the consequence Always saw what the end would be. We're as Nature has made us -- hence I loved them until they loved me.
Dorothy Parker
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All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.
Dorothy Parker
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You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Dorothy Parker
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There are times when images blow to fluff, and comparisons stiffen and shrivel.
Dorothy Parker