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The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Education
School
Eraser
Ever
Erasers
Thing
Erased
Ink
Spit
Useful
Learned

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Innocence is a desirable thing, a dainty thing, an appealing thing, in its place but carried too far, it is merely ridiculous.
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Ah, clear they see and true they say That one shall weep, and one shall stray
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ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
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Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
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I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
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...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.
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Gratitude - the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world.
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Guido Natso is natso guido.
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I know that an author must be brave enough to chop away clinging tentacles of good taste for the sake of a great work. But this is no great work, you see.
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Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.
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Accursed from their birth they be Who seek to find monogamy, Pursuing it from bed to bed— I think they would be better dead.
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I shudder at the thought of men.... I'm due to fall in love again
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[Epitaph:] Involved in a plot.
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I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
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Mrs. Ewing was a short woman who accepted the obligation borne by so many short women to make up in vivacity what they lack in number of inches from the ground.
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There must be courage there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.
Dorothy Parker
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Then she told herself to stop her nonsense. If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them, more easily each time, so easily, soon, that you did not even realize you had gone out searching. Women alone often developed into experts at the practice. She must never join their dismal league.
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You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
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Scratch a king and find a fool!
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If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)
Dorothy Parker