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I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Superlative
Superlatives
Umbrella
Touch
Wouldn

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Age before beauty, and pearls before swine.
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Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.
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If wild my breast and sore my pride, I bask in dreams of suicide, If cool my heart and high my head I think 'How lucky are the dead.
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You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
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All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.
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Guido Natso is natso guido.
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Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.
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There must be courage there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.
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[Requesting her epitaph to read this way:] Excuse my dust.
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I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
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If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
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When I was young and bold and strong, The right was right, the wrong was wrong. With plume on high and flag unfurled, I rode away to right the world. But now I’m old - and good and bad, Are woven in a crazy plaid. I sit and say the world is so, And wise is s/he who lets it go.
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Where unwilling dies the rose buds the new another year.
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... if this world were anything near what it should be there would be no more need of a Book Week than there would be a of a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.
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If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
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I fell into writing, I suppose, being one of those awful children who wrote verses. I went to a convent in New York-the Blessed Sacrament... I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.
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The Swiss are a neat and an industrious people, none of whom is under seventy-five years of age.
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This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
Dorothy Parker
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It's not the tragedies that kill us it's the messes.
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...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.
Dorothy Parker