Quote

If, with the literate, I am Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit We all assume that Oscar said it.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Assumption
Assume
Assuming
Epigram
Credit
Impelled
Seek
Epigrams
Take
Literate
Trying
Oscar
Never
Oscars

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I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.
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You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
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If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
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I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
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And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.
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It was written without fear and without research.
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Yes, well, let me tell you that if nobody had ever learned to quote, very few people would be in love with La Rochefoucauld. I bet you I don't know ten souls who read him without a middleman.
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I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets.... you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking.
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Now to me, Edith looks like something that would eat her young.
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All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.
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Sometimes I think I'll give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day.
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Said of her husband on the day their divorce became final: Oh, don't worry about Alan. . . . Alan will always land on somebody's feet.
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Ah, clear they see and true they say That one shall weep, and one shall stray
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[On Kay Strozzi in The Silent Witness:] Miss Strozzi ... had the temerity to wear as truly horrible a gown as ever I have seen on the American stage. ... Had she not luckily been strangled by a member of the cast while disporting this garment, I should have fought my way to the stage and done her in, myself.
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This play John Drinkwater's Abraham Lincoln holds the season's record, thus far, with a run of four evening performances and one matinee. By an odd coincidence, it ran just five performances too many.
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I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.
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I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
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I misremember who first was cruel enough to nurture the cocktail party into life. But perhaps it would be not too much to say, in fact it would be not enough to say, that it was not worth the trouble.
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Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.
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I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
Dorothy Parker