Quote

If, with the literate, I am Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit We all assume that Oscar said it.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Never
Oscars
Assumption
Assume
Assuming
Epigram
Credit
Impelled
Seek
Epigrams
Take
Literate
Trying
Oscar

More quotes by Dorothy Parker

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And where does she find them?
Dorothy Parker
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Daily dawns another day I must up, to make my way. Though I dress and drink and eat, Move my fingers and my feet, Learn a little, here and there, Weep and laugh and sweat and swear, Hear a song, or watch a stage, Leave some words upon a page, Claim a foe, or hail a friend- Bed awaits me at the end.
Dorothy Parker
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Flowers are heaven's masterpiece.
Dorothy Parker
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Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.
Dorothy Parker
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The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.
Dorothy Parker
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Then she told herself to stop her nonsense. If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them, more easily each time, so easily, soon, that you did not even realize you had gone out searching. Women alone often developed into experts at the practice. She must never join their dismal league.
Dorothy Parker
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On lady novelists: As artists they're rot, but as providers they're oil wells they gush. Norris said she never wrote a story unless it was fun to do. I understand Ferber whistles at her typewriter.
Dorothy Parker
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[On Katharine Hepburn's stage performance:] She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B.
Dorothy Parker
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When I was young and bold and strong, The right was right, the wrong was wrong. With plume on high and flag unfurled, I rode away to right the world. But now I’m old - and good and bad, Are woven in a crazy plaid. I sit and say the world is so, And wise is s/he who lets it go.
Dorothy Parker
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Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you-- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did.
Dorothy Parker
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I wish, I wish I were a poisonous bacterium.
Dorothy Parker
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If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)
Dorothy Parker
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[Completely bored by a country weekend, wiring to a friend:] For heaven's sake, rush me a loaf of bread, enclosing saw and file.
Dorothy Parker
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Maybe it is only I, but conditions are such these days, that if you use studiously correct grammar, people suspect you of homosexual tendencies.
Dorothy Parker
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Said of her husband on the day their divorce became final: Oh, don't worry about Alan. . . . Alan will always land on somebody's feet.
Dorothy Parker
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It's not the tragedies that kill us it's the messes.
Dorothy Parker
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Nevil Shute's On the Beach is no Christmas carol, but it seems to me a remarkably fine novel, one which I read, in the peculiarly repulsive phrase, with my eyes glued to the page.
Dorothy Parker
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If I don't drive around the park, I'm pretty sure to make my mark. If I'm in bed each night by ten, I may get back my looks again. If I abstain from fun and such, I'll probably amount to much But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.
Dorothy Parker
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There is entirely too much charm around, and something must be done to stop it.
Dorothy Parker
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The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.
Dorothy Parker