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If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
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Why, after all, should readers never be harrowed? Surely there is enough happiness in life without having to go to books for it.
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There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.
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This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
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I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
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Innocence is a desirable thing, a dainty thing, an appealing thing, in its place but carried too far, it is merely ridiculous.
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Mrs. Ewing was a short woman who accepted the obligation borne by so many short women to make up in vivacity what they lack in number of inches from the ground.
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[On being told their loquacious, domineering host was 'outspoken':] By whom?
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[On hearing that President Coolidge was dead:] How can you tell?
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The Swiss are a neat and an industrious people, none of whom is under seventy-five years of age.
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Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.
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Writing well is the best revenge.
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If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
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Somewhere, there, is an analogy, in a small way, if you have the patience for it. But I guess it isn't a very good anecdote. I'm better at animal stories.
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I know that an author must be brave enough to chop away clinging tentacles of good taste for the sake of a great work. But this is no great work, you see.
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Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song
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Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.
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I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
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Sometimes I think I'll give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day.
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What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
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Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you.
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