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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Three
Must
Ruthless
Things
Valentine
Men
Handsome
Wedding
Require
Marriage
Stupid

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[From a window in the Writer's Building at MGM, which overlooked a cemetery:] Hello down there. It might interest you to know that up here we are just as dead as you are.
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Woman wants monogamy Man delights in novelty. Love is woman's moon and sun Man has other forms of fun. Woman lives but in her lord Count to ten, and man is bored. With this the gist and sum of it, What earthly good can come of it?
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Somewhere, there, is an analogy, in a small way, if you have the patience for it. But I guess it isn't a very good anecdote. I'm better at animal stories.
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Prince or commoner, tenor or bass, Painter or plumber or never-do-well, Do me a favor and shut your face - Poets alone should kiss and tell.
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I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
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I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
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Oh, both my shoes are shiny new, And pristine is my hat My dress is 1922… My life is all like that.
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Hell's afloat in lover's tears.
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There's life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
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Maybe it is only I, but conditions are such these days, that if you use studiously correct grammar, people suspect you of homosexual tendencies.
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I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
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Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
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The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.
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The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.
Dorothy Parker
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ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
Dorothy Parker
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On lady novelists: As artists they're rot, but as providers they're oil wells they gush. Norris said she never wrote a story unless it was fun to do. I understand Ferber whistles at her typewriter.
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There are times when images blow to fluff, and comparisons stiffen and shrivel.
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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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They say of me, and so they should, It's doubtful if I come to good. I see acquaintances and friends Accumulating dividends And making enviable names In science, art and parlor games. But I, despite expert advice, Keep doing things I think are nice, And though to good I never come Inseparable my nose and thumb.
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I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.
Dorothy Parker