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If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Brain
Pains
Pain
Bullets
World
Brains
Gun
Folks
Cause
Fun
Speeding
Causes
Shiny

More quotes by Dorothy Parker

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People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.
Dorothy Parker
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Despite his persecutions, Mr. [Upton] Sinclair reveals himself in Money Writes! to be an enviable man. Always the thing he desires to believe is the thing he feels he knows to be true.
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I wanted to be cute. That's the terrible thing. I should have had more sense.
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I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
Dorothy Parker
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If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
Dorothy Parker
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Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke And that, I think, is worse.
Dorothy Parker
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[On William Lyon Phelps's Happiness:] It is second only to a rubber duck as the ideal bathtub companion. It may be held in the hand without causing muscular fatigue ... and it may be read through before the water has cooled. And if it slips down the drain pipe, all right, it slips down the drain pipe.
Dorothy Parker
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Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
Dorothy Parker
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Then she told herself to stop her nonsense. If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them, more easily each time, so easily, soon, that you did not even realize you had gone out searching. Women alone often developed into experts at the practice. She must never join their dismal league.
Dorothy Parker
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I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
Dorothy Parker
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Like many a better one before me, I have gone down under the force of numbers, under the books and books and books that keep coming out and coming out and coming out, shoals of them, spates of them, flash floods of them, too blame many books, and no sign of an end.
Dorothy Parker
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Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter's pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.
Dorothy Parker
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...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink.
Dorothy Parker
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Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.
Dorothy Parker
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Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)
Dorothy Parker
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I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.
Dorothy Parker
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I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
Dorothy Parker
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He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.
Dorothy Parker
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[Hospitalized and pressing the nurse's button before dictating letters to her secretary:] This should assure us of at least forty-five minutes of undisturbed privacy.
Dorothy Parker
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And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.
Dorothy Parker