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I wish, I wish I were a poisonous bacterium.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Bacteria
Poisonous
Wish

More quotes by Dorothy Parker

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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.
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Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
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Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
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If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)
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When you have to apologize, it is well, I suppose, to get the thing over quickly.
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I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
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There must be courage there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.
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Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.
Dorothy Parker
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She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don't say she will, but she can.
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[On being told their loquacious, domineering host was 'outspoken':] By whom?
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Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.
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I like to have a martini/Two at the very most.
Dorothy Parker
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If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
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[On James Gould Cozzens' By Love Possessed:] It is a vast enterprise encompassing all sorts of love, except, naturally, those branches which extend to Jews, Negroes, and people who have lost track of their great-grandparents.
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Art is a form of catharsis emotional release, purging, cleansing, purifying.
Dorothy Parker
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[Requesting her epitaph to read this way:] Excuse my dust.
Dorothy Parker
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tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!
Dorothy Parker
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If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
Dorothy Parker
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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Dorothy Parker