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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Dorothy Parker
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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
Morning
Firsts
First
Sharpening
Thing
Sharpen
Brush
Brushes
Teeth
Tongue
More quotes by Dorothy Parker
I give her sadness and the gift of pain, a new moon madness and a love of rain.
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I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
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[On hearing that President Coolidge was dead:] How can you tell?
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Where unwilling dies the rose buds the new another year.
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If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
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Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)
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How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound if I can remember any of the damn things.
Dorothy Parker
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
Dorothy Parker
[On William Lyon Phelps's Happiness:] It is second only to a rubber duck as the ideal bathtub companion. It may be held in the hand without causing muscular fatigue ... and it may be read through before the water has cooled. And if it slips down the drain pipe, all right, it slips down the drain pipe.
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I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
Dorothy Parker
This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
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Money was made, not to command our will, But all our lawful pleasures to fulfill. Shame and woe to us, if we our wealth obey The horse doth with the horseman away.
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And I'll stay off Verlaine too he was always chasing Rimbauds.
Dorothy Parker
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
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I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
Dorothy Parker
My first love was Cinderella, but she ran off with another man.
Dorothy Parker
[At the reception following her remarriage to Alan Campbell:] People who haven't talked to each other in years are on speaking terms again today - including the bride and groom.
Dorothy Parker
Where's the man could ease a heart Like a satin gown?
Dorothy Parker
All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.
Dorothy Parker