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All I have to be thankful for in this world is that I was sitting down when my garter busted.

Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
Age: 73 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 22
Died: 1967
Died: June 7
Columnist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Poet
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
West End
Monmouth County
New Jersey
Dorothy Rothschild
Dot Rothschild
Dottie Rothschild
World
Garters
Busted
Thankful
Sitting

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I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
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The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.
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Sometimes I think I'll give up trying, and just go completely Russian and sit on a stove and moan all day.
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Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.
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Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.
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I fell into writing, I suppose, being one of those awful children who wrote verses. I went to a convent in New York-the Blessed Sacrament... I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.
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That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
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Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
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Guido Natso is natso guido.
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Gratitude - the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world.
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(Scottish Terriers) have all the compactness of a small dog and all the valor of a big one. And they are so exceedingly sturdy that it is proverbial that the only thing fatal to them is being run over by an automobile - in which case the car itself knows it has been in a fight.
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Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
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I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
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She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don't say she will, but she can.
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Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.
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She will never win him, whose words had shown she feared to lose.
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And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.
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If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
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I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.
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The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.
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