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Only funny line I've had was my first day on the set of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They were making me up, and I saw the director call the makeup man over, and he says What are we going to do about the hooter? And the makeup guy said, I'm not a plastic surgeon. So I started that show with a big nose, and quite conscious of it.

Dick Van Dyke

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Dick Van Dyke
Age: 98
Born: 1925
Born: December 13
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Musician
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
West Plains
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Richard Wayne Van Dyke
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More quotes by Dick Van Dyke

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Oh, I had an idea for a pilot of my own at the time, and then Carl sent me about eight scripts and simply I threw my idea out the window because the writing was just so good.
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I found out retirement means playing golf, or I don't know what the hell it means. But to me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.
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I'm gonna keep singing and dancing as long as I can.
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I would love to see Carl Reiner working in the arena today. He did some marvelous things on our show in the early '60s when it was a little edgy. We did shows about blacks, a couple, three of those. Some thought-provoking stuff.
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I was the class clown, you know, that kind of thing, and I gathered around me a group of guys who also were silly. I was in all the plays and everything. But I don't know, at that time show businesses looked like the moon, you know, it was so far away. I wanted to be a radio announcer.
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I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a great thrill for me. He left me his bow tie and derby and told me that if they ever made a movie about him, he'd want me to play him.
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I decided, when I started having kids, that I'd try not to do anything that I wouldn't be proud for them to see. I've kind of stuck with that, and I don't regret that at all, although I've lost money and passed up a lot of projects because of it. But I feel good about that.
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You need someone to love, and something to do that you enjoy, and something to hope for, and that's enough for me.
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I have also heard and read various accounts of why they [Sheldon Leonard and Carl Reiner] liked me. My favorites? I wasn't too good-looking, I walked a little funny, and I was basically kind of average and ordinary. I guess my lack of perfection turned out to be a winning hand. Let that be a lesson for future generations.
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I would love to be Moses.
Dick Van Dyke
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When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late 40s. And just through necessity, going out looking for work, I was starting to sing, and dance, and act, and I never expected to do that, nor to have any success at it at least.
Dick Van Dyke
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I'm not a loner. I have to have a life partner.
Dick Van Dyke
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I found doing that kind of comedy without an audience is just... for me, it's almost impossible. You need the audience to do their half of the work.
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I've made peace with insecurity... because there is no security of any kind.
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I'm really in retirement. My career is over. I'm just playing now and having a great time. I like to keep busy, and I'm doing what's fun for me.
Dick Van Dyke
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I did a guest shot on a comedy series where they did 20 to 30 takes of everything. It's just gone by then. The joke is over. It's not funny anymore, and then of course, the editor's the one that has to figure out the timing. I think a lot depends on that.
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I think it's being thrown at the wolves, we call it in our business.
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I wrote a little autobiography about how luck has to do with everything. It's called My Lucky Life In and Out of Show Business. A publisher came to me and said write a book so I did. I wanted to call it Everybody Else Has Got a Book.
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I watch 'Al Jazeera.' They have news that you can't find anywhere else. They do great documentaries, too.
Dick Van Dyke
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So at 16 I got a job at the local radio station. And I was working after school and weekends. I did the news I did everything. I did - played records.
Dick Van Dyke