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The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

Dick Gregory

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Dick Gregory
Age: 84 †
Born: 1932
Born: October 12
Died: 2017
Died: August 19
Athletics Competitor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Entrepreneur
Politician
Social Activist
Social Critic
Writer
St. Louis
Missouri
Richard Claxton Gregory
Life
Funniest
Relatives
Comics
Jokes
Aren
Friends
Stuff

More quotes by Dick Gregory

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People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.
Dick Gregory
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We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
Dick Gregory
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When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
Dick Gregory
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A friend of mine who works for naval intelligence said an aerial satellite revealed that 1.9 million attended the event in 1995. But if they would have had a rumble at the march the newspapers would have said that 75 million Afro-Americans were there.
Dick Gregory
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I was born and raised in St. Louis, and this little town, eight blocks away, place no one ever heard of, a black man there commands the attention of the world for months? That ain't my world.
Dick Gregory
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When I went south in the 1960s, I knew I could die. If I went down there and did what I did up in Chicago and made all of those hatin' white folks laugh, then I would have been defeated.
Dick Gregory
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That's easy, to stand in a nightclub, where most of the people that come in, they came to see you.
Dick Gregory
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Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?
Dick Gregory
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The NAACP is a wonderful organization . . . But do you realize if tomorrow morning we had complete integration, all them cats would be outta work?
Dick Gregory
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I would have painted the White House black. I would have!
Dick Gregory
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In the South they don't mind how close I get, so long as I don't get too big. In the North they don't mind how big I get, so long as I don't get too close.
Dick Gregory
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Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.
Dick Gregory
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Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.
Dick Gregory
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You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.
Dick Gregory
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You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I'd do it for free'?
Dick Gregory
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America has the mightiest military on the planet, and they didn't get there with entertainers.
Dick Gregory
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If you take 12 waters from the coconut - not the ones you buy in the store, although that's good - but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born.
Dick Gregory
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Fear and God do not occupy the same space.
Dick Gregory
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I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
Dick Gregory
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I go to Chinese Christian community. Jesus looks Chinese. I go to Japanese Christian community. Jesus looks Japanese. I go to Brazilian Christian community. Jesus looks Brazilian. How come in America Jesus looks white?
Dick Gregory