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When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

Dick Gregory

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Dick Gregory
Age: 84 †
Born: 1932
Born: October 12
Died: 2017
Died: August 19
Athletics Competitor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Entrepreneur
Politician
Social Activist
Social Critic
Writer
St. Louis
Missouri
Richard Claxton Gregory
Ships
Naval
Dollars
Rifles
Army
Charged
Military
Commanders
Goes
Captain
Responsibility
Captains
Funny
Navy
Lost
Ship
Rifle

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I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.
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Because I'm a civil rights activist, I am also an animal rights activist. Animals and humans suffer and die alike. Violence causes the same pain, the same spilling of blood, the same stench of death, the same arrogant, cruel and vicious taking of life. We shouldn't be a part of it.
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Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
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Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.
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Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
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I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.
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People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.
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If all you can do is judge a person by their appearance, because you don't have the spirit to judge someone from within, you're in trouble.
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In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.
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Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?
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Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.
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Why are black folks singing Amazing Grace which is a song about a white slaver's conversion?
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Don't have a high school diploma? You're in my Cabinet. Why? For 200 years, a lot of Cabinets have existed in our government. Powerful men. Well-educated. So let's try something totally new.
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If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.
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In the South they don't mind how close I get, so long as I don't get too big. In the North they don't mind how big I get, so long as I don't get too close.
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Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
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If you can justify killing to eat meat, you can justify the conditions of the ghetto. I cannot justify either one.
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I go to Chinese Christian community. Jesus looks Chinese. I go to Japanese Christian community. Jesus looks Japanese. I go to Brazilian Christian community. Jesus looks Brazilian. How come in America Jesus looks white?
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Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.
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Luck is opportunity meeting up with preparation. So you must prepare yourself to be lucky.
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