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It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, your beard’s stupid.” “Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of us getting along so well.

Derek Landy

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Derek Landy
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: October 23
Author
Screenwriter
Writer
Three
Beard
Also
Fairly
Wells
Standard
Well
Standards
Along
Stupid
Skulduggery
Fun
Brightly
Getting
Fourteen

More quotes by Derek Landy

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I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now.
Derek Landy
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Valkyrie: “You are such a moron.” Skulduggery: “Don't be jealous of my genius.
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She wants to be polite and not hurt your feelings, so she's not going to laugh right now. But inside, inside she's laughing.
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But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.
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That's ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them aside. Or give them a chance to redeem themselves.
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You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
Derek Landy
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I love stories with a happy ending,” Inspector Me said.
Derek Landy
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I shall live forever. And I don't mean in a metaphorical sense. I don't mean I'll live forever in the hearts and minds of my readers. I mean I will literally live forever, drawing as I do from your pain and suffering.Your pain makes me strong.
Derek Landy
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It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like.
Derek Landy
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Are you kidding? I jumped off a building -- of course I'm hurt.
Derek Landy
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You've done what? I know, he said. You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me.
Derek Landy
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I'm fairly certain. I could be some ghastly hallucination, a figment of my own imagination
Derek Landy
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I woke up, a bag of bones. Literally. They had gathered up my bones and put them in a bag and thrown the bag into a river.
Derek Landy
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You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?' He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along.
Derek Landy
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They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. They've obviously never met me.
Derek Landy
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I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.' 'My accent?' 'It is quite silly.' 'So you can't understand me?' 'Not a word.' 'Then how did you understand that?' 'I didn't.' ''You didn't understand what I just said?' 'That's right.' 'You understood that, though.' 'Not at all.' The American glowered.
Derek Landy
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Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I’m ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don’t have dragon wings, I don’t breathe fire, I’m only eight feet tall and I’ve never eaten a newborn that didn’t have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What’s yours?
Derek Landy
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Stairs, Valkyrie said, disappointed. Not just ordinary stairs, Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. Magic stairs. Really? Oh, yes. She followed him into the darkness. How are they magic? They just are. In what way? In a magicky way. She glared at the back of his head. They aren't magic at all, are they?
Derek Landy
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There's a clock on the wall. Press your hand against the face and turn it very slightly to the. Left. There'll be a click to tell you it's done. Sounds easy enough. Yes it does, said Sanguine. Kiss for good luck? Maybe later, said Gracious. How about a handshake? Asked Donegan.
Derek Landy
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The problem with living so long is that we get used to it. We watch the mortals age and wither and die around us, watch the world change and decay...but no matter the hardship or the pain or the sorrow we suffer, we choose to continue living. Out of sheer habit, I think.
Derek Landy