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I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.

Derek Landy

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Derek Landy
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: October 23
Author
Screenwriter
Writer
Littering
Placing
Arrest
Conspiracy
Possibly
Pleasant
Commit
Murder

More quotes by Derek Landy

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Doors are for people with no imagination.
Derek Landy
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This girl (Stephanie) is but a few months away from her seventeenth birthday and already she has saved the world and killed a god. What have you done?
Derek Landy
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What is it?' Stephanie whispered. 'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.' She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?' 'I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.
Derek Landy
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Tides do what tides do – they turn.
Derek Landy
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This isn't funny. She was almost killed.' 'I'm aware. You're waiting to see if I will get angry.' 'I already know you're angry. You're sitting very still and you're talking very quietly. You're getting ready to kill someone.' 'I just need a name.
Derek Landy
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Are you hurt? Are you injured? / No, just a bruise or two. I'm fine, really. You don't have to worry about me. / Stephanie, you jumped off a building. / Yes, but the branches broke my fall. Every one of them. / And how were the branches? / A lot unlike pillows.
Derek Landy
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You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
Derek Landy
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I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.' 'My accent?' 'It is quite silly.' 'So you can't understand me?' 'Not a word.' 'Then how did you understand that?' 'I didn't.' ''You didn't understand what I just said?' 'That's right.' 'You understood that, though.' 'Not at all.' The American glowered.
Derek Landy
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She wants to be polite and not hurt your feelings, so she's not going to laugh right now. But inside, inside she's laughing.
Derek Landy
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But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.
Derek Landy
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Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly. “What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form?” “But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file.” He glowered. “Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven’t
Derek Landy
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People! she screamed. There are people here! New people!
Derek Landy
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Then I reckon we got ourselves a good old-fashioned standoff. ... Nobody moved, or said anything, for the next few moments. Old-fashioned standoffs are mighty borin
Derek Landy
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Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I’m ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don’t have dragon wings, I don’t breathe fire, I’m only eight feet tall and I’ve never eaten a newborn that didn’t have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What’s yours?
Derek Landy
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You're late,' he said. 'I'm beautiful.' 'You're always beautiful.' 'I'm always late too.
Derek Landy
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A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?
Derek Landy
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I'm fairly certain. I could be some ghastly hallucination, a figment of my own imagination
Derek Landy
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tanith: have you called the police? fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon. tanith: tell them not to bother... im his doctor. beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather? tanith: the kind that looks good init
Derek Landy
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The calm before the storm
Derek Landy
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We don’t need a cure,” the other zombie said. “That’s right,” Scapegrace nodded. “We’re happy the way we are.” “Happy with the power,” Scapegrace clarified. “Very happy, just the two of us, and there’s nothing wrong with us either. It’s very natural in fact. Nothing to be ashamed of—” “Thrasher,” said Scapegrace, “shut up.
Derek Landy